I got the message. I took it as a private one. If I was wrong in that assumption, I apologize for deleting and won't in future delete whatever you care to share.
I was out of town all weekend. I don't know how much good it will do. I hated that you were combative and condescending to me on other blogs. I couldn't understand your hostility towards me after a while. You once told me that you were good at playing mind games with people, and yes, you were exceedingly good at it. But that's nothing to be proud of. I thought there was a level of genuine kindness between us, but the animosity and coldness was disheartening. You would behave in a civil...even warm manner. Then you would pour out such hatefulness. I deserve better, even in a superficial internet acquaintance. There was a lot going on in my life at the time. I made some bad choices, but not nearly as "bad" as people thought.
I am not talking about challenging one another. You behaved distinctly worse and were more critical and vicious towards me on other blogs. I'm sure there are no real answers, as our perceptions are probably worlds apart.
I still am. More than ever. Honest enough to say that you were a total jerk on many occasions. Honest enough to say that your strategy of mind fucking people is reprehensible. Honest enough to know that i gave you too much credit. And that i want to let go of this anger.
You dont deserve my gold. I would normally let it go, but you have proven yourself untrustorthy. To use me as you did. What an asshole. How sad that because you were fucked over you go forth and do the same to others. You underestimated me entirely. In so many ways.
I NEVER thought you were nice. Thats not at all what i liked about you. youI dont gravitate towards nice people...just real ones. And that you think you KNOW what i needed to hear?! Stunning. You were rarely i ever on target with me. I appreciate people to point out my blindspots, blindspots, not use them to their advantage.
What did you gain??? I have NO clue! When i am shitty or condescending to someone its usually out of insecurity or fear. I have no idea what motivates you.
This whole concept of saying what someone nEEDS to hear is bullshit. bullshitHow can you possibly know me,,, when you promised that you would never be KNOWN!!! There is very little if any true exchange in this lie of a forum.
NG doesn't care what I think or say... she tolerates me. I'm not a fan of some of her idols, either. We have Nietzsche in common, but that's about it. I'm sure that NG appreciates your presence more than mine... as I've long overstepped the boundaries of decency at her blog.
Lashing out like that may be considered therapeutic, but it can also hurt. I do believe i had reason to be angry, but i regret a few things i said. My mouth...or fingers get away from me sometimes. Fj, i want good for you. No resentments. Thank you for being open to hearing me out.
Sure you do. They're precisely the same things that motivate you. Insecurity and fear are but two of them.
I do have a "theory" as to why you seem to care what I think. I seem to fill the role of a proxy for the Lacanian "Big Other" in your psyche.
Now I know you're a Jungian, so I am sure that you can deduce what this means, psychologically... if not today, eventually, and either agree or disagree.
Now for a related "joke" from Slavoj Zizek...
This joke is about a chicken; or more specifically, a man who believes he is a piece of grain and, subsequently, fears that a chicken could eat him. Eventually, the delusional man goes to therapy; where, ultimately, he becomes convinced he is not a piece of grain; however, the man still feels anxious about the chicken. Bewildered, the therapist asks, “Why are you still afraid of the chicken? You know you’re not a piece of grain!” To which the man replies, “Yes, I know I’m not a piece of grain, but does the chicken know I’m not?”
I just want you to know that I "know" that you're "not a piece of grain."
I can elaborate if you'd like. Zizek believe's that it's a situation "endemic" to our Post-Modern civilization... where the "strict" father has been replaced by a "lenient" father, which makes it harder for a person to "enjoy" oneself... as the mandate of the lenient father is to "do as you wish" but if it doesn't give you pleasure and make you happy, you must feel "guilty"... whereas if you could violate the strict father's edicts', you would derive pleasure and happiness from the violation of the order.
I know it probably sounds strange, but I've come to believe that Zizek/ Lacan were right about this.
I can see where you would think the role of Big Other would apply to this situation. There is probably some truth in your theory. I also have my own ideas, which are Jungian, and more tied to my development of the deamon. I do know for sure that between the two of us, there is too much projection going on....and that much of the allure is subconscious, making it difficult to know exactly what It is that needs to develop. I am not the only one here, though. I dont believe this is all about me for a minute.
You're right, this isn't all about you. I suppose you represent the Lacanian Objet Petit 'a for me (the little other), in that you give me attention (but not "guilt").
Just Wiki'd it Sounds a bit like what I was saying... perhaps more as I see myself...although, if you're right and I'm the barking dog, you see me as something a bit more "threatening"... as the "castrating" source of something akin to a "symbolic" reduction... which you wish to regain?
And yes, Demian isnt about focus on the other. It's about admiring what you see in the other (what you want), and realizing it is just a reflection of your unconscious self, not yet realized. SUCH a good book.
Wish to regain that which was separated in the reduction to the symbolic... ie, the actual bird reduced to the word, bird... the real you, reduced to your resume.... reality reduced to wisdom... wisdom reduced to knowlege... knowlege reduced to information... and what is "lost" at each step.
The way i see it, you see me as unable to do the work on my own.... So maybe you need to do some work here. But you probably won't, unless you experience pain.
I think that for "whatever reason", you are looking to me for "approval". I think that you should stop doing that, and that you should not give a damn whatever I might think. I am NOT the Big Other, and what I think is irrelevant.
And did you like the Life of Pi? Personally, I LOVED it. To live with your tiger, rather than "kill it". So much better than the Balzac tale, IMO.
I liked the movie, but i must have been exhausted because i can't remember parts. I liked Harry Haller in Steppenwolf, when it comes to living with our darkness.
I don't give a damn what you think. Seriously. When i said that i wanted to let that anger go, i just needed to say the things i had been holding in for a long time. I wasn't looking to make things right with you. I was being true to myself.
Why did you delete?
ReplyDeleteI got the message. I took it as a private one. If I was wrong in that assumption, I apologize for deleting and won't in future delete whatever you care to share.
ReplyDeleteI was out of town all weekend. I don't know how much good it will do. I hated that you were combative and condescending to me on other blogs. I couldn't understand your hostility towards me after a while. You once told me that you were good at playing mind games with people, and yes, you were exceedingly good at it. But that's nothing to be proud of. I thought there was a level of genuine kindness between us, but the animosity and coldness was disheartening. You would behave in a civil...even warm manner. Then you would pour out such hatefulness. I deserve better, even in a superficial internet acquaintance. There was a lot going on in my life at the time. I made some bad choices, but not nearly as "bad" as people thought.
ReplyDeleteCorrection: it was not a superficial internet acquaintance. I just don't know what to call it.
ReplyDeleteYes, you did, and do, deserve better.
ReplyDeleteCan you explain to me why there was such animosity?
ReplyDeleteIf being challenged was perceived as "animosity", it was not intentional, as no "ill will" was ever intended.
ReplyDeleteI believe in challenging others, and in being challenged in return. I'm not a go along to get along type. Sorry, that's just who I am.
I am not talking about challenging one another. You behaved distinctly worse and were more critical and vicious towards me on other blogs. I'm sure there are no real answers, as our perceptions are probably worlds apart.
ReplyDeleteIt honestly doesn't matter.
ReplyDeleteWorld's apart, indeed.
ReplyDeleteDamn it! Explain yourself!
ReplyDeleteI was always fond of you. I really enjoyed our conversations. I think nicrap did, too. You were always an honest and independent voice.
ReplyDeleteHow is nicrap doing?
DeleteI still am. More than ever. Honest enough to say that you were a total jerk on many occasions. Honest enough to say that your strategy of mind fucking people is reprehensible. Honest enough to know that i gave you too much credit. And that i want to let go of this anger.
ReplyDeleteThen get it out.
ReplyDeleteI never claimed to be a "nice" person. Nice people won't tell you what you need to hear.
ReplyDeleteYou dont deserve my gold. I would normally let it go, but you have proven yourself untrustorthy. To use me as you did. What an asshole. How sad that because you were fucked over you go forth and do the same to others. You underestimated me entirely. In so many ways.
ReplyDeleteI NEVER thought you were nice. Thats not at all what i liked about you. youI dont gravitate towards nice people...just real ones. And that you think you KNOW what i needed to hear?! Stunning. You were rarely i ever on target with me. I appreciate people to point out my blindspots, blindspots, not use them to their advantage.
ReplyDeleteI used you? Really? Wow, we really are worlds apart.
ReplyDeleteThis is not working. I am only getting angrier. Lol
ReplyDeleteOkay. Explain that.
ReplyDeleteand I took advantage of you, how?
ReplyDeleteWhat did I gain?
ReplyDeleteUsed me to shit on at ng's blog.
ReplyDeleteWhat did you gain??? I have NO clue! When i am shitty or condescending to someone its usually out of insecurity or fear. I have no idea what motivates you.
ReplyDeleteThis whole concept of saying what someone nEEDS to hear is bullshit. bullshitHow can you possibly know me,,, when you promised that you would never be KNOWN!!! There is very little if any true exchange in this lie of a forum.
ReplyDeleteNG doesn't care what I think or say... she tolerates me. I'm not a fan of some of her idols, either. We have Nietzsche in common, but that's about it. I'm sure that NG appreciates your presence more than mine... as I've long overstepped the boundaries of decency at her blog.
ReplyDeleteIts all a complete waste of time and i hate that it matters to me. Pathetic.
ReplyDeleteIt doesnt matter that she cares or not. notIt matters how you treat people that you supposedly are FOND of. Do i seriously have to explain that?
ReplyDeleteWell I'm turning in
ReplyDeleteWhatever. Let me know when you are ready for another beating. Lol
ReplyDeleteGood night.
ReplyDeleteAnd you didnt answer hardly any questions. And...thank you for hearing me.
ReplyDeleteGood night
ReplyDeleteDear G_d, please surprise fj with extra kindness on monday, after he endured jen's wrath on sunday.
ReplyDeleteLashing out like that may be considered therapeutic, but it can also hurt. I do believe i had reason to be angry, but i regret a few things i said. My mouth...or fingers get away from me sometimes. Fj, i want good for you. No resentments. Thank you for being open to hearing me out.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what motivates you.
ReplyDeleteSure you do. They're precisely the same things that motivate you. Insecurity and fear are but two of them.
I do have a "theory" as to why you seem to care what I think. I seem to fill the role of a proxy for the Lacanian "Big Other" in your psyche.
Now I know you're a Jungian, so I am sure that you can deduce what this means, psychologically... if not today, eventually, and either agree or disagree.
Now for a related "joke" from Slavoj Zizek...
This joke is about a chicken; or more specifically, a man who believes he is a piece of grain and, subsequently, fears that a chicken could eat him. Eventually, the delusional man goes to therapy; where, ultimately, he becomes convinced he is not a piece of grain; however, the man still feels anxious about the chicken. Bewildered, the therapist asks, “Why are you still afraid of the chicken? You know you’re not a piece of grain!” To which the man replies, “Yes, I know I’m not a piece of grain, but does the chicken know I’m not?”
I just want you to know that I "know" that you're "not a piece of grain."
...and that you probably need to find a better "chicken" to serve as proxy for your "Big Other".
ReplyDeleteI can elaborate if you'd like. Zizek believe's that it's a situation "endemic" to our Post-Modern civilization... where the "strict" father has been replaced by a "lenient" father, which makes it harder for a person to "enjoy" oneself... as the mandate of the lenient father is to "do as you wish" but if it doesn't give you pleasure and make you happy, you must feel "guilty"... whereas if you could violate the strict father's edicts', you would derive pleasure and happiness from the violation of the order.
ReplyDeleteI know it probably sounds strange, but I've come to believe that Zizek/ Lacan were right about this.
I can see where you would think the role of Big Other would apply to this situation. There is probably some truth in your theory. I also have my own ideas, which are Jungian, and more tied to my development of the deamon. I do know for sure that between the two of us, there is too much projection going on....and that much of the allure is subconscious, making it difficult to know exactly what It is that needs to develop. I am not the only one here, though. I dont believe this is all about me for a minute.
ReplyDeleteI see myself more like the brave little chick, and you the barking dog. ;)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.harpercollins.com/books/Tippy-Toe-Chick-Go-/?isbn=9780060298234
Have you read Demian, by Hermann Hesse?
ReplyDeleteYou're right, this isn't all about you. I suppose you represent the Lacanian Objet Petit 'a for me (the little other), in that you give me attention (but not "guilt").
ReplyDeleteAnd no, haven't read Demian.
Just Wiki'd it Sounds a bit like what I was saying... perhaps more as I see myself...although, if you're right and I'm the barking dog, you see me as something a bit more "threatening"... as the "castrating" source of something akin to a "symbolic" reduction... which you wish to regain?
ReplyDeleteThe barking dog is only a threat if little chick allows him to be. It's up to chick...not dog. Little chick is a Neitzschean. Lol!
ReplyDeleteI dont understand your question. Wish to regain what?
On Other and other....i know now that you are a just another human being, struggling along in your own way.
And yes, Demian isnt about focus on the other. It's about admiring what you see in the other (what you want), and realizing it is just a reflection of your unconscious self, not yet realized. SUCH a good book.
ReplyDeleteWish to regain that which was separated in the reduction to the symbolic... ie, the actual bird reduced to the word, bird... the real you, reduced to your resume.... reality reduced to wisdom... wisdom reduced to knowlege... knowlege reduced to information... and what is "lost" at each step.
ReplyDeleteI have gained back what was lost.
ReplyDeleteGood. Then I've nothing to worry about....
ReplyDeleterolls eyes*
Lol. What would you be worried about?
ReplyDeleteDid you think that in letting out my anger at you, i was asking for your help to regain something?
,
Help? No. Your joissance would have to be "transgressive".
ReplyDeleteAs I see it, your "challenge" is to reduce me, symbollically, to a "cliche".
ReplyDeletebecause the other alternative would be much more "problematic".
ReplyDeletehttp://thersitescampsite.blogspot.com/2013/01/mother-may-i.html
ReplyDeleteYou've been reading too much Lacan lately.
ReplyDeleteThe way i see it, you see me as unable to do the work on my own.... So maybe you need to do some work here. But you probably won't, unless you experience pain.
ReplyDeleteI also think you need to read some good fiction and put Lacan down for a bit. ;)
ReplyDeleteOt...i saw Life of Pi.
ReplyDeleteThersitesFebruary 5, 2013 at 12:11 PM
DeleteI think that for "whatever reason", you are looking to me for "approval". I think that you should stop doing that, and that you should not give a damn whatever I might think. I am NOT the Big Other, and what I think is irrelevant.
And did you like the Life of Pi? Personally, I LOVED it. To live with your tiger, rather than "kill it". So much better than the Balzac tale, IMO.
I liked the movie, but i must have been exhausted because i can't remember parts. I liked Harry Haller in Steppenwolf, when it comes to living with our darkness.
DeleteI don't give a damn what you think. Seriously. When i said that i wanted to let that anger go, i just needed to say the things i had been holding in for a long time. I wasn't looking to make things right with you. I was being true to myself.
ReplyDeleteNow, i do still feel guilty when i cross the line into personal attacks. And i like that about myself.
ReplyDeleteWell...depending on the person, i may not feel bad at all! ;-)
Good. :)
ReplyDelete...not that you need MY approval! :P
ReplyDelete